Nothing worthwhile is easy

Five years have gone by since Ethan Kai walked into our hotel room in Chongqing that hot day in May 2008. Being a mom of a special needs son with ADHD has changed me. Changed, refined, tried, tested, proven like gold in a fire. I am NOT the same person I was 5 years ago. Being Ethan's mom has grown my faith in ways I couldn't have imagined. When I asked The Lord to mold me into the mother I am meant to be, He told me, "You already are; That's why I chose you." When I asked The Lord why He chose me, He answered, "Because Ethan is going to do great and mighty things." And when I struggled with Ethan's ADHD, He told me, "Just love him and leave the rest up to me." Ethan continues to be the most resilient, happy, and forgiving child I've ever met. But being a parent to a child with ADHD is never easy. It's not easy seeing them struggle in school unable to pay attention. It's not easy to get ANOTHER phone call or report from the teacher regarding impulsive behavior. It's not easy to try to figure what part is "boys will be boys" and what part is ADHD. It's not easy to figure out how to discipline a behavior and not the disability. And so I walk in faith, knowing that God's hand is on this child; that Ethan belongs to Him, not to me; and that everything really is going to be OK. On the hard days, I remind myself to check my priorities: He loves Jesus. He loves hearing worship music in the car. He asks me if every worship song on the radio is David or Carlos (our worship leaders at our church.) He loves reading about David and Daniel in his Bible. Last night, after the third day in a row for getting in trouble at school for touching people in line (Inattentive, sensory-overload, ADHD behavior), and being sent to bed immediately after dinner, I find him in his room with his Bible in his lap. I have to ask myself, "What is more important?" Does it matter if he can sit in a chair without squirming in order to pass a state reading test? Or does it mean so much more that he can tell the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego almost as well as our pastor? Ethan loves hearing the story of his adoption. He doesn't remember any of it. He doesn't remember China. He loves hearing about how Elisa drove us to the airport and he loves looking at the scrapbook I made of our trip. Someday, we'll go back. My heart longs for Chongqing hotpot, Noodles for breakfast, and to visit all of the places that wrote their story on my heart. Ethan knows that God picked him to be in our family. We talk openly about his birth parents and his foster parents. He has never asked, "Why?" He has never asked to try to find his birth mom. Other peoples' comments or questions never seem to phase him. Taking all of it in stride is just part of who he is. Someday, he will see the big picture and understand, much like Esther, perhaps he was made a part of this family for just such a time as this!

Sooo...Ethan turned 9 today. I can't believe he's 9! With every age, it seems exponentially OLDER that the last. 5 seemed so much older than 4...6 seemed so much older than 5... It never ceases to make me wonder if January 20th is actually the day he was born. It never ceases to make me think about Ethan's birth mom and the weeks she tried to take care of him between January and March 1st.... I can't believe that in May, it will be 5 years that he's been with us.... For the Big 9, we did a reptile party at our house. The reptile store near our house does parties, so in they came, with tubs of lizards, turtles, and snakes of all sizes. They allowed the kids to hold and pet each animal! We took lots of pictures, and later we'll be going to his favorite restaurant: Dale's Diner. Ethan has decided he wants a cheeseburger with jalapenos!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ETHAN!!!!

"Fix less, pray more"

I was at church yesterday morning. One of our (amazing) associate pastors was giving a message about knowing our Shepherd. We are encouraged to not feel like we always have to fix everything on our own...that we need to let God be God and do the fixing. I think of Ethan and how often I try to fix him...fix his ADHD, fix his difficulty with reading and math, fix his clumsiness. I hear The Lord say to me, "Just love him and let me handle the rest." "Fix less. Pray more," Romero says.... And I realize (again) how blessed I am.... I just got Ethan's CST scores in the mail. (The standardized test he took at the end of 2nd grade). He scored below basic in reading and basic in math. I expected this score. Yet, seeing it in black & white reminds me again that I have a child who struggles in school. Then we get in the car to go somewhere and he starts singing a worship song that was on the radio. I have to ask myself "what is more important--test scores, or loving Jesus?" I know I'm blessed. The Lord is watching out for Ethan; chose parents who were 6,000 miles away; has great and mighty plans for him. All I have to do is love him and let God handle the rest. Fix less. Pray more.

4 Year Anniversary!!!!

Being a parent is always a journey: A journey of love, patience, understanding, and faith. I have had my scope of understanding broadened in ways I could not have imagined. I have had to become an expert on ADHD, Developmental Coordination Disability (DCD), and how to be a parent in an IEP (as opposed to being the special education teacher.) I have learned how to draw on my teacher experience as a parent and how to draw on my parent experience as a teacher. Each role has made me more sensitive to the other. I continue to work on removing phrases such as, “You should be able to….” Or “I shouldn’t have to help you with…..” from my vocabulary. Some days I have to remind myself what God told me awhile back while I was praying and asking Him to mold me into the mother He wanted me to be. He answered, “You already are. That’s why I chose you.” Ethan continues to grow in his understanding of adoption and how he was chosen to be a part of our family. In casual conversation he refers to me as his “real mom” and understands he has a birth mom even though she doesn’t come up in conversation often. This year he’s very excited to celebrate our “Family Day”. I’m not sure if it’s just because we get to go out to dinner, or if it’s because he gets special attention; which is probably exactly what he needs. For a little guy who probably gets in a little too much trouble, some positive attention is a good thing! At dinner the other night, we were reminiscing about our first night with Ethan: It was the evening of our first day. Our guide, Anita, was going to leave us alone to bond. (which was a scary thought considering we had instantaneously become parents & now had a 4 year old who didn’t know us, didn’t speak our language, and missed his foster family). So Anita had asked Ethan what he wanted for dinner. He told her what he liked. She wrote it down in Chinese & gave us directions on which restaurant to go to in the underground marketplace/mall that was under our hotel. It was decided that I would stay with Ethan in the room and Gary & Jessie would make the trek to go get dinner. (Last night, hindsight kicked in and they decided I should have been the one to venture out for the food!) So they gave the order to the restaurant and attempted to communicate that they want the food “to go”…”to take upstairs”…”to eat in the room”….I’m not sure how many different ways there are to request this, and I’m sure there were gestures that accompanied the request! After what seemed like forever, Jessie came back to the room empty handed and asked me for the translation guide to find out how to say “carry out” in Chinese! Apparently, they figured it out, supplied us with (only) 2 sets of chopsticks and Gary returned with peppered beef, sautéed cabbage and a variety of other delicious dinner items. So with our 2 sets of chopsticks and a fork and spoon from the hotel mini bar that only had 1 set of silverware, we had our first dinner together, picnic style, on the floor of our hotel room, 29 floors above Chongqing City. Four years later, at 8 years old, Ethan has no recollection of China or of the actual adoption. He looked at the photo album this morning and said, “I don’t remember these!” He is completely integrated into American culture (he’s a HUGE Angry birds fan!) and into our family. Together we all fall somewhere in between Hispanic, Italian & Chinese.

3 Year anniversary

His impression of "Justin Bieber"...only because he's never seen Elton John...


Showing off no teeth!!


One Year Anniversary


Two Year Anniversary


Three Year Anniversary...Same restaurant...One of us just keeps getting bigger. Some of us just get older...

As I sit on the couch, computer on my lap, I'm reminded of the night before we were to due to leave for China where I sat in this same place having no idea how my life was about to change. This morning, I reflected on the fact that 3 years ago, I was eating a delicious Chinese hotel buffet for breakfast; and this morning, I was eating dry cereal out of a ziplock bag in my car on my way to work! I'm blessed in ways I never could have imagined. Being a parent has made me a more compassionate teacher. Being the parent of a child with ADHD has helped me to identify with parents and children in ways I never would have been able to. I love seeing how God uses our struggles for His higher purpose!

Ethan continues to be the most joyful and resiliant child I know. He is a little man of faith and understands that God put our family together. Although he is proud to be Chinese, he is much more American than he realizes. He asked for a bagel & cream cheese in his lunch the other day rather than the Chow Mein I offered him.

He is asleep with yet another tooth under his pillow hoping the tooth fairy will make him rich! He is full of life and loves everything when it comes to food, music, dancing, toys, games, and clothes! I have no doubt where he got his love of shoes (especially his converse "chucks")...

We celebrated our "Family Anniversary" tonight; a day early...because life is full! We have plans on the 18th (our "gotcha day") and on the 19th (the day the adoption was final in China).

It still weirds me out when people say, "What a great thing you did for your son"....because we are the ones who are so blessed....

Bi-Annual Blog update

So apparently, I'm so busy with living life that I'm down to blogging twice a year! ...and when I say busy, what I mean is:
Working full time
Completing my master's degree
Training in Shao Lin Kung Fu
Trying to be the best wife and mother I can be
...but it's progress, not perfection, right?

So, IF I had been nominated for mother of the year, I would have forfeited my nomination this morning as I handed Ethan a plastic cup filled with dry cereal and a tablespoon with which to eat it and a cup of milk. Although two nights ago I served a dinner of overcooked frozed pizza and chicken nuggets, this morning was my lowest point in motherhood thus far. I'm so far past exhausted, I think I passed "exhausted" about 35 pages ago in the beginning of my master's thesis project.

I'm not sure why the holidays always have a way of bringing me back to reflecting on our adoption journey. The years have flown by as we have settled into "life in general". The fact that my son is adopted is not even something I think about every day. The cute adoption story books have been shoved to the back of the bookshelf to make way for other favorites like Curious George and Clifford. Perhaps it's the fact that Thanksgiving is approaching and I'm counting all my blessings. Perhaps it's the fact that I can't help but remember the Christmases that we were waiting for Ethan. Whatever the reason, I still think the "Merry Christmas" song by Third Day will always be one of my favorites...

2 Year Anniversary

...So 2 years has flown by and we've settled into "real life". Some people still ask me "How is he adjusting?" "How is his English?" And we've been so settled for so long that I forget that there was an adjustment period. And his English skills are so good, that he tells me funny things like the dog is smelling him because he smells fresh!

We've definitely settled into real life. Real Life...Ethan is the most happy, resiliant child I know. Real life...he gets in trouble for playing with the night light in the electrical socket. Real life...he's so smart that he closes the door when he plans on doing something in his room he knows he's not supposed to be doing. Real life...We get so busy and caught up in the day-to-day I feel as though I don't take enough time stop and appreciate this wonderful child I've been blessed with. I know...Welcome to real life...