Being a parent is always a journey: A journey of love, patience, understanding, and faith. I have had my scope of understanding broadened in ways I could not have imagined. I have had to become an expert on ADHD, Developmental Coordination Disability (DCD), and how to be a parent in an IEP (as opposed to being the special education teacher.) I have learned how to draw on my teacher experience as a parent and how to draw on my parent experience as a teacher. Each role has made me more sensitive to the other. I continue to work on removing phrases such as, “You should be able to….” Or “I shouldn’t have to help you with…..” from my vocabulary. Some days I have to remind myself what God told me awhile back while I was praying and asking Him to mold me into the mother He wanted me to be. He answered, “You already are. That’s why I chose you.”
Ethan continues to grow in his understanding of adoption and how he was chosen to be a part of our family. In casual conversation he refers to me as his “real mom” and understands he has a birth mom even though she doesn’t come up in conversation often. This year he’s very excited to celebrate our “Family Day”. I’m not sure if it’s just because we get to go out to dinner, or if it’s because he gets special attention; which is probably exactly what he needs. For a little guy who probably gets in a little too much trouble, some positive attention is a good thing!
At dinner the other night, we were reminiscing about our first night with Ethan:
It was the evening of our first day. Our guide, Anita, was going to leave us alone to bond. (which was a scary thought considering we had instantaneously become parents & now had a 4 year old who didn’t know us, didn’t speak our language, and missed his foster family). So Anita had asked Ethan what he wanted for dinner. He told her what he liked. She wrote it down in Chinese & gave us directions on which restaurant to go to in the underground marketplace/mall that was under our hotel. It was decided that I would stay with Ethan in the room and Gary & Jessie would make the trek to go get dinner. (Last night, hindsight kicked in and they decided I should have been the one to venture out for the food!) So they gave the order to the restaurant and attempted to communicate that they want the food “to go”…”to take upstairs”…”to eat in the room”….I’m not sure how many different ways there are to request this, and I’m sure there were gestures that accompanied the request! After what seemed like forever, Jessie came back to the room empty handed and asked me for the translation guide to find out how to say “carry out” in Chinese! Apparently, they figured it out, supplied us with (only) 2 sets of chopsticks and Gary returned with peppered beef, sautéed cabbage and a variety of other delicious dinner items. So with our 2 sets of chopsticks and a fork and spoon from the hotel mini bar that only had 1 set of silverware, we had our first dinner together, picnic style, on the floor of our hotel room, 29 floors above Chongqing City.
Four years later, at 8 years old, Ethan has no recollection of China or of the actual adoption. He looked at the photo album this morning and said, “I don’t remember these!” He is completely integrated into American culture (he’s a HUGE Angry birds fan!) and into our family. Together we all fall somewhere in between Hispanic, Italian & Chinese.
