Nothing worthwhile is easy

Five years have gone by since Ethan Kai walked into our hotel room in Chongqing that hot day in May 2008. Being a mom of a special needs son with ADHD has changed me. Changed, refined, tried, tested, proven like gold in a fire. I am NOT the same person I was 5 years ago. Being Ethan's mom has grown my faith in ways I couldn't have imagined. When I asked The Lord to mold me into the mother I am meant to be, He told me, "You already are; That's why I chose you." When I asked The Lord why He chose me, He answered, "Because Ethan is going to do great and mighty things." And when I struggled with Ethan's ADHD, He told me, "Just love him and leave the rest up to me." Ethan continues to be the most resilient, happy, and forgiving child I've ever met. But being a parent to a child with ADHD is never easy. It's not easy seeing them struggle in school unable to pay attention. It's not easy to get ANOTHER phone call or report from the teacher regarding impulsive behavior. It's not easy to try to figure what part is "boys will be boys" and what part is ADHD. It's not easy to figure out how to discipline a behavior and not the disability. And so I walk in faith, knowing that God's hand is on this child; that Ethan belongs to Him, not to me; and that everything really is going to be OK. On the hard days, I remind myself to check my priorities: He loves Jesus. He loves hearing worship music in the car. He asks me if every worship song on the radio is David or Carlos (our worship leaders at our church.) He loves reading about David and Daniel in his Bible. Last night, after the third day in a row for getting in trouble at school for touching people in line (Inattentive, sensory-overload, ADHD behavior), and being sent to bed immediately after dinner, I find him in his room with his Bible in his lap. I have to ask myself, "What is more important?" Does it matter if he can sit in a chair without squirming in order to pass a state reading test? Or does it mean so much more that he can tell the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego almost as well as our pastor? Ethan loves hearing the story of his adoption. He doesn't remember any of it. He doesn't remember China. He loves hearing about how Elisa drove us to the airport and he loves looking at the scrapbook I made of our trip. Someday, we'll go back. My heart longs for Chongqing hotpot, Noodles for breakfast, and to visit all of the places that wrote their story on my heart. Ethan knows that God picked him to be in our family. We talk openly about his birth parents and his foster parents. He has never asked, "Why?" He has never asked to try to find his birth mom. Other peoples' comments or questions never seem to phase him. Taking all of it in stride is just part of who he is. Someday, he will see the big picture and understand, much like Esther, perhaps he was made a part of this family for just such a time as this!

Sooo...Ethan turned 9 today. I can't believe he's 9! With every age, it seems exponentially OLDER that the last. 5 seemed so much older than 4...6 seemed so much older than 5... It never ceases to make me wonder if January 20th is actually the day he was born. It never ceases to make me think about Ethan's birth mom and the weeks she tried to take care of him between January and March 1st.... I can't believe that in May, it will be 5 years that he's been with us.... For the Big 9, we did a reptile party at our house. The reptile store near our house does parties, so in they came, with tubs of lizards, turtles, and snakes of all sizes. They allowed the kids to hold and pet each animal! We took lots of pictures, and later we'll be going to his favorite restaurant: Dale's Diner. Ethan has decided he wants a cheeseburger with jalapenos!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ETHAN!!!!