7 Years!!!

This blog was designed to invite you on our journey. This year has been a journey of research and discovery . Welcome to my world….. On the 18th, we celebrated our 7 year anniversary! If I could define this year with a title, it would be: “The year I figured it out”: The year I figured it out that I was “doing it wrong”; the year I figured out how to give myself grace for “doing it wrong”; the year I figured out that ADHD is just a symptom and that childhood trauma was the real issue. I can’t take all of the credit. It was last summer that Gary was taking a class in trauma counseling. He brought it to my attention that children who are victims of trauma or neglect typically have neurological issues similar to what Ethan struggles with…. The crazy type A researcher in me kicked into high gear. I ran across “The Connected Child” and some other information about Dr. Karyn Purvis and www.empoweredtoconnect.org It was like I had found the missing link!! I had always suspected that adhd wasn’t the only issue. There were these “quirks” that didn’t really fit any list of symptoms I had found. As a special education teacher, I knew a lot about different disabilities. We knew it wasn’t autism, cognitive delay, or a learning disability. We didn’t understand why he would “freeze” and shut down, unable to respond to simple questions. We didn’t understand why he would “snap” at school and bicker with peers or scribble on papers when he got frustrated. We didn’t understand why he would display these behaviors at school that were so unlike how he was at home. We didn’t understand why he always has to know what the plans are and what we are eating for our next meal. At times, we just thought he was strange…. Then I read “The Connected Child” and it ALL. MADE. SENSE. I needed to know more, so I read “Wounded Children, Healing Homes” by Jayne Schooler. This book touched a little bit on how to handle the school situations; but I needed to know more. So I read, “Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control” by Heather Forbes. She discusses the trauma and how to parent without traditional behavior modifications such as time out and behavior charts. This was going to require a 180 in our parenting! But what about school!? Heather Forbes also wrote a book specifically with educational issues in mind, “Help for Billy”; I read that too! In February, Gary and I attended the Empowered to Connect conference in Orange County. Such a blessing from God that it was what we needed where & when we needed it! God provides! If anyone asks for wisdom…. The conference was amazing and I was so glad Gary attended it with me. The presenters recommended even more books, which I read: “The Whole Brain Child” and “Parenting from the Inside out” by Dan Siegel and “The Out of Sync Child” by Carol Kranowitz. What usually happens when we learn a whole LOT about something? We learn how much we still don’t know!!!.... With as much as I had learned, you might be surprised to know that what we concluded was that we were ready for professional help. Not because things are out of control or we are dealing with what we would call “behavior problems”; but because we understand the damage of the trauma and how that effects Ethan both emotionally and neurologically. Next up on my reading list is “Creative Interventions with Traumatized Children” by “Cathy Malchiodi. I’m looking forward to gaining more skills; not just as a parent, but a parent of a traumatized child. I’m looking forward to helping Ethan understand his value as a young man and feel good about who he is.