Puzzle Pieces

Any life story is put together like the pieces of a puzzle. Any adoption story has pieces missing. Last night I had the opportunity to fill in a couple more pieces of the Ethan Kai story. A couple of VERY important pieces...pieces that had been lingering since the day we received his paperwork. Six years ago, I wrote a blog entry pondering a question I never thought I'd have the answer to, "Why wasn't Ethan's finding ad placed in the newspaper until he was 3.5 years old?" Below is the blog entry from March 2008: First, a little background: Every child adopted out of China gets their picture placed in a local paper to see if a birth parent will come forward to care for them. When this does not happen, they are declared an official "orphan" and they are available for adoption. Hence the term: "finding ad".

The writing below the photo only contains the identifying information that we already know: Name: Cheng Kai Sex: Male Birthdate: January 20, 2004 Finding date: March 1, 2004 Finding location: Near #58 Xinglong Street, Qixinggang, Yuzhong District Characteristic of body: Weak Items found along with him: Nothing Many times, adoptive parents are supplied with copies of these ads when they arrive in China to adopt their child. However, there is this amazing man named, Brian Stuy who makes it his business to track information in China regarding adoption. He collects, logs and files many of the newspapers and advertisements that contain finding ads. We supplied him with Kai's identifying information It turns out he had the actual publication that has Kai's finding ad in it! Most of the time, finding ads are run when the children are found (when they are babies). We were quite surprised to see Kai's finding ad. The publication was dated May 2007. The referral information we were given dates back to July/August 2007. After inquiring with Brian and also with our agency, there really is no way to know WHY Kai's finding ad was not run until he was 3.5 years old. I have had to resign myself that this will be another one of many mysteries there are with international adoption. Just when you think you know what to expect....Just when you think you have an answer to a question....Just when you think you understand how things are going to be.... Fast forward to last night..... Ethan and I attended a book signing event for the book, "Wish You Happy Forever" by Jenny Bowen. Jenny Bowen is the founder of "Half the Sky" foundation. It is the foundation that sponsored Ethan's orphanage in Chongqing (as well as many others all over China). It is also the foundation that sponsored Ethan's foster family. As I learned more about Half the Sky in the past 6 years, I began to have more questions.... Everything I read about their program stated that the foster family program homes, called "family villages" were for children who had special needs and were unable to be adopted. They were designed to serve as permanent homes for these severely effected children. This didn't make sense to me. Ethan was adopted out of a foster home...but the story just didn't add up to me....missing puzzle pieces. So after Jenny showed a short video, read an excerpt from the book and shared some of her experiences, it was time for Questions & Answers. I raised my hand and asked if she could share more information about their foster family programs. She described the program exactly according to Ethan's original paperwork: Retired couple, children grown, agreed to care for these orphans indefinitely since they were too ill or disabled to be adopted. BUT...she went on...what occurred was that AFTER these children had spent time in the care of a loving family environment, they began to THRIVE!!!! By now, tears were streaming and all I could do was point to Ethan to indicate that HE was exactly who she was talking about! She asked me which program he had been apart of and I told her he was in the Chongqing orphanage from 2004-2006 and in the foster family from 2006-2008. She said that made perfect sense, as the foster program opened in 2006. She commented how much she loved that foster couple and it was all I could do to choke out a tearful "thank you" for all her program had done for him. THE MISSING PIECES: 1. His finding ad wasn't run when he was found, because nobody thought he would be adoptable 2. His placement in the foster family was because nobody thought he would be adoptable 3. It is truly a miraculous work of God that he is here with us, and that Half the Sky was there to intervene, because in all reality, he really wouldn't be here if it weren't for their program! In a world where we have to accept the missing pieces without dwelling on them, it is truly a treasure to find out something, ANYTHING, that fills in a gap about your child's history.